Women

What to Wear on a Date According to Science

You know what it’s like to get ready for a date. The nerves, the excitement, the clothes strewn all over the floor as you look for something—anything—to wear. Deciding on a date outfit can be nervewracking, and it’s the last thing you need to worry about before meeting your next potential Mr. Right. That’s why we’ve studied the research and expert opinion to create your ultimate guide for what to wear on a first date.

How to Choose a Date Outfit

When deciding what to wear, style psychologist Shakaila Forbes-Bell recommends thinking about someone confident you know, either in real life or online, and figuring out what styles they wear that you like. These styles can be great choices for a first date because they can make us feel more self-assured. This is because of something called "enclothed cognition". 

Essentially, it’s a “fake it ‘til you make it” strategy. Enclothed cognition proposes that the clothes we wear can influence how we feel about ourselves. Fashion psychologist Dr. Dawnn Karen says there are three main reasons we do this. When we’re not dressed for utility, we use clothing to tell others how we feel or to make ourselves feel better somehow.

Forbes-Bell also suggests trying on clothing you associate with a really good memory. It works the same way that scrolling through your favorite celeb’s Instagram does. Your lucky belt or a special jacket will remind you of good times, stirring up positive feelings and helping you feel like your best, most confident self.

What Color is Best For a Date?

When we meet someone new, our brains go into overdrive, picking up on more information than we’re even aware of. We unconsciously judge potential partners on a primal level. This is why the color you wear can have a noticeable impact on the way your date sees you.

If your first instinct is to reach for a sleek black dress, you might be onto something. Black is associated with luxury, elegance, and sophistication. Your date might also perceive you as more powerful and more intelligent in black. The high-end associations make this a great choice to wear to a nice dinner date or to somewhere more formal.

But what if you need something to wear on a casual date? Forbes-Bell says to go with a long-wavelength color, such as yellow, orange, or red. These vibrant options make us feel more energetic and active. That makes them a great option to match the exciting energy of a casual brunch or a happy hour. 

Of course, if you want to make a big impression, you can’t go wrong with the color of love. Research shows that men view women in red as more attractive and sexually desirable. The association between the color red and desire is baked into our biology. The study’s authors concluded that the effect of the color red on a female partner was pretty similar in human men and male non-human primates. 

Women have noticed these effects, and they’re testing out the theory in real life. In early 2022,  something called the “red nail theory” started gaining traction online. Basically, the theory is that men are most attracted to red nails, so wearing them is a way to easily catch their attention. The wildest part is that women are saying it works! So if a red dress isn’t your style, try a pop of red on your nails.

What to Wear on a Date

The perfect outfit to wear on your date depends a little bit on your venue. For a casual date, Forbes-Bell says to go for something approachable, like a pair of great-fitting jeans. Casual styles are associated with sociability, extraversion, and friendliness, she says. Especially if you wear them regularly, the familiar feeling of your jeans will help you to feel more at ease, making them a great choice. 

Or you could try the opposite strategy and lean into your nerves a bit. Opting for something bold can showcase your unique personality and serve as a conversation starter. Choosing the right unique accessories will add visual interest to your outfit, helping you come across as more fun and adventurous.

A bold fashion choice can help you get out of your head, too. Wearing something outside your comfort zone can also help you embrace escapism for a little while, Forbes-Bell explains. This has the counterintuitive effect of reducing anxiety, helping you to relax and enjoy the moment on your date. 

She also recommends a form-fitting dress for a more striking look. Research shows that well-fitting clothes can make other people see you as more confident and successful. And that’s not the only good reason to opt for something a little more fitted. According to Forbes-Bell, this can have a similar effect to deep touch pressure techniques, which have been shown to reduce anxiety. 

How to Choose Shoes For a Date

When it comes to shoe options, high heels are a good choice for a few reasons. Our brains associate height with power and authority, so seeing yourself with a couple of extra inches can give you an extra boost of confidence. The way high heels change your body language can also accentuate your body’s natural curves and make your walk appear more sensual. 

Not surprisingly, high heels were found to attract male attention far more often than other types of shoes. However, they’re also more uncomfortable and can cause widespread damage to your body over time. Dr. Sajid Suarve explains that high heels pull your muscles and joints out of their proper alignment. This commonly causes back, neck, and shoulder pain in frequent wearers.

Nobody wants to be in pain because of their date outfit, so choosing a well-fitting supportive heel is critical. Next time you’re shopping, take a moment to measure your feet. Your shoe size can change over time, so it’s worth checking that your shoes really do fit. After that, focus on finding a shoe that balances height with support.

In general, heels that are chunkier and positioned directly under the heel of your foot are most supportive. Stiletto styles, while a great fashion statement, are a poor choice for this reason. For a more comfortable option, try a pair of pumps with a block heel. Toe and ankle straps can help hold your feet in place more firmly, while a slight platform base can add a bit of height without changing the angle of your foot. 

Getting ready for a date can be stressful, especially when it comes to choosing what to wear. But your outfit is more than just clothes – it can impact how confident you feel and how your date sees you. Your fashion can show off your unique personality and make your date more memorable. So, whether you prefer a classy black look, vibrant colors, or a form-fitting dress, make a choice that says something about the real you.

by Darci Johnson

The New Dating Dynamic and the Modern, Lonely Man

When it comes to dating, are modern men missing the mark? According to a recent Psychology Today article, it seems so.

To get an executive perspective on this topic, I sat down with our Vice President Genevieve Gresset, who was interviewed just this week by BBC Radio for her expert take on the trending article. Here's what she has to say about the cultural shift executive men are facing in the modern dating world.

Men, The Tables are Turning

Gone are the days of men having a fair share of single women to choose from. In this modern dating market, the tables are turning. In his recent article, Dr. Greg Matos shares a striking statistic that shows a dramatic shift in the current dating scene. Approximately 62 percent of dating app users are men. What does that mean? For men looking for love online, chances of finding a match have never been lower.

This also means that women have a larger dating pool to choose from, allowing women to raise their standards in the men they select to date. According to Matos, “younger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve ever been in generations, and it’s probably going to get worse.”

Although this might sound hopeless, a solution is in sight. Although, it won’t come easy. In order to meet the rising relationship standards, it’s up to men to address those skills they may be lacking.

The Heart of the Matter

Maybe that’s true for men on dating apps, but what about those trying to find love in the real world? According to our Gresset, these facts still hold true.

“For the first time in history,” says Gresset, “women possess a new cultural power.”

Unlike in the past, women surpass men by 0.2 percent as a more college-educated labor force. Women also hold over half of the nation’s jobs. While there's still a way to move forward through perfect equality of the sexes, many women find that they are just as capable as their male counterparts to build the life they want. They no longer rely on men to provide luxuries that were once only achieved through marriage.

According to Gresset, this puts men in a unique position. “Men are no longer valued solely by their ability to provide financially for a family,” she says. “The modern single woman desires a partner who can meet her emotional needs more than anything else.”

This demand for emotional equality is a revolutionary shift in modern dating. “Behaviors women might have excused before are no longer tolerated,” says Gresset. “This is forcing men to either change their behaviors or be left behind.”

A Solution in Sight

“Men have held a consistent position in the dating world for centuries,” Gresset says. “But now it’s time that they experience their own evolution.”

As relationship standards rise, men are faced with the question of whether or not they can successfully step up to the plate. Although this might sound like an ultimatum, Gresset assures that this call for action is not based on any sort of man-hating. Instead, she hopes that men will see this as an opportunity for self-reflection and self-betterment. “Strong men will see the need for change and adapt,” she says.

How can men reap the benefit of these changing times? Both Gresset and Dr. Matos agree—by strengthening mental health and emotional intelligence.

For those dealing with heavy emotional baggage, such as past traumas, Dr. Matos suggests resources like therapy as a great way to begin healing. Yet, for men looking for help tailored specifically towards finding success in their love life, Gresset says coaching is the best option.

“Executive Matchmakers offers relationship coaching that is designed to fit the unique needs and lifestyles of our clients,” Gresset says. Their clients have found immense success within their coaching programs. “Often our clients find that they not only improve their success in love and relationships, but go on to live happier, more peaceful, and more fulfilling lives by implementing our proven techniques.”

While the times might be changing, it does not mean that men have to fall behind. Men have a key role in this cultural shift—but only if they wholeheartedly commit to improving their mental health.

Interested in making the change? Sign up for our expert coaching today.

by Molly Monroe

Spring Cleaning: How to Freshen Up Your Dating Checklist

Jessica’s friends can’t understand why she’s still single. They say that, with her good looks and charm, she could get any guy she wanted. To some degree, they’re right. For her, finding a date has never been the problem. Most men that she meets are instantly enamored with her and eager to start a relationship.

For Jessica, however, the feelings are rarely mutual. She has high standards for her relationships and wants a man who lives up to her ideals. She refuses to settle for a partner who doesn’t cross off every mark on her dating checklist.

After interacting with a guy for a few minutes, Jessica usually decides he’s not worth seeing again. Despite her efforts, she always finds herself back to square one.

Beware of the dating checklist

Does this sound familiar? In the matchmaking industry, female clients like Jessica are very common.

Often, the most beautiful, charismatic, and successful women join matchmaking confused as to why they can’t achieve the same prosperity in their relationships as they do in every other aspect of their lives.

After years of experience, matchmakers have identified at least one culprit to this pesky relationship problem. It is none other than the dating checklist.

According to matchmakers, women with rigid checklists tend to stay single longer than those who regularly reevaluate their relationship requirements.

This is not to say that standards are bad–just that a little spring cleaning never hurt anyone.

Find yourself constantly dating guys who never measure up? It might be time to freshen up your relationship checklist.

Loosen the list

Any attractive, successful woman with a bright personality has been told this phrase at least once in her life: you can get any guy you want.

While this might seem like a great thing to hear, for most women, it only adds pressure. The process of selecting a partner is already stressful, but the idea of infinite romantic possibilities can be incredibly overwhelming. In their efforts to search for the best of the best, it’s only natural that women use some sort of organizational system to help them narrow down their choices. In that way, checklists make perfect sense.

However, checklists come with consequences. Matchmakers point to overly rigid checklists as a reason why some singles overlook potentially compatible partners. According to matchmakers, checklists are a slippery slope–once you start to list a few relationship requirements, it’s easy to list another few, and another, and another.

Before you know it, you can be evaluating potential partners from a dating checklist that is pages long.

Instead, matchmakers recommend prioritizing the qualities on your checklist. Figure out what qualities are most important to you and stick to them.

For a list that actually works in your favor, it’s best to keep it loose and limited.

What’s in a checklist?
If you’re finding it difficult to narrow down your dating checklist, one helpful exercise is to examine the values that motivate each of your relationship requirements.

For reference, some common dating checklist items are:

• Age
• Physical attractiveness
• Financial success
• Education
• Political leaning
• Religion
• Family
• Children
• Ethnicity
• Shared hobbies

Let’s look at Jessica’s checklist, for example. When she goes out on a date, some of the things she looks for are the following:

• He is over 6 feet tall
• He wears designer clothing
• He drives a luxury vehicle
• He earns at least a six-figure salary
• He’s college-educated

Maybe these aren’t the only traits Jessica looks for in a mate. Yet, over the years, she has recognized these qualities as quick and easy indicators of whether or not she could be compatible with someone. However, very few of the men she met were able to check all of her boxes. If they did, she rarely felt any chemistry with them.

After working with her relationship coach, Jessica realized it was time to reevaluate her relationship requirements. Instead of projecting these prerequisites on her dates, she decided to reflect inward. She asked herself: Why are these qualities important to me?

Checklist vs. value list

Her relationship coach was able to guide her to the values that were leading her to make these conclusions about potential partners. For example, she learned that it wasn’t really that important that her partner owned a Rolex, drove a Maserati, or was over six feet tall. What was more important was that she felt safe and protected by her partner. She liked the sensation of looking up to her partner and knowing that he was strong, masculine, and capable. She also realized that qualities like a large salary, education, clothing style, or other outward signs of wealth played into this, too. For Jessica, these were signals of a partner being able to provide both physically and financially for her and their family. She realized it was also important that her partner be respected by her social circle and within their community.

In that case, Jessica was able to reverse her requirements. Although quick, obvious physical indicators might seem like compatibility give-aways, they don’t allow you to see the person within.

In Jessica’s case, she was able to switch out the superficial requirements on her checklist for qualities that honored her core values. She no longer looks for what kind of car her date drives, or whether or not his clothes are designer. Now, when she’s getting to know someone, she refers to a value list, not a checklist.

Her value list looks something like this:

• He is hardworking
• He is financially responsible
• He is a man of his word
• He is a family man
• He provides for those he loves

If you’d like to try this, start by listing out all your checklist requirements on a piece of paper. Then, go through each item and ask yourself why that quality is important to you. Try to replace more superficial qualities with values that are deeply important to you and your relationship.

Leave room for love

Whether you decide to date with a checklist, value list, or no list at all—it’s important to leave some room for love. While strict standards make it easier to find a partner who looks good on paper, that doesn’t guarantee you’ll feel a romantic connection with them. Love is found in the wiggle room—so remember to date with an open heart.

Freshening up your dating checklist is easier said than done. If your spring cleaning routine includes reevaluating your values, why not let a professional lend a helping hand? Our expert dating coaches support clients throughout all stages of their dating journeys. Just like Jessica, coaches help their clients with topics like identifying core values, how to attract quality partners, and so much more.

Coaching is one of the surest ways to reach your dating potential. If you want to find the right person and be the right person, too, contact us about coaching today.

by Molly Monroe